Young Marriage: The Ups, The Downs, and The Ugly

My name is Lauren and I am 21 yrs old and I am currently married to my second, that's right.... SECOND husband. You may be asking yourself, "How did this come about? You're so young and to be on your second marriage." Well I assure you it didn't come about easily. I was married the first time at 16 yrs old, my first husband was 19 at the time. Puppy love can be a blinding thing, it only lasted three months, after that it became volatile. We separated and then eventually divorced. I had known my second husband for years, in fact he and my first husband had been best friends ( before I met either of them, they stopped being friends before I married my first husband). I married my second my when I was 18 and he was 21, we will be married 3 years this October I am pleased to say.

As with everything in life young marriage has it's good and bad. I intend to give those young people considering marriage my forthright and honest advice and opinions.

I know that when you're young and in love, you think it will be this light and fluffy and awesome forever, but sadly it won't. Love and marriage take work and if you're not willing to put in the effort, it's simply not worth the heartache and time. Before you say "But Lauren you don't understand this is real". Oh my dear little kitten, but I do understand, all too well. I felt this way when I married my first husband. Everyone around me had misgivings, but I didn't listen because this was real love. So before you take the leap and marry, listen to your loved ones opinions, absorb them, they have a fresh perspective. Do NOT, I repeat NOT, just jump into marriage on a whim. It is not something to take lightly. Not even on a religious perspective, but the financial drain after a divorce is substantial, add to that the fact that you're too young to be fiscally stable. Not a good combo. Think long and hard before you decide to get married.

When we were little girls most of us loved fairy tales, like Cinderella. This stories are always so lovely that we get swept away even as adults and imagine this is how life is supposed to be. You know these tales are so blissful? They usually end at the wedding as the hero gallantly carries his bride into forever. The first few years are often the most difficult, for ANY marriage. However, I think that the first few years of marriage are particularly hard for young couples (25 and under). If you marry before the age of 21 (and even 21 and shortly after) you are cutting yourself off from the young wild lifestyle that most people your age take this time to lead. "Sewing your wild oats" as it's called, is very useful as it helps you to finally be able to settle down. Young marriage hinders your freedom at the age allotted as wild and crazy. If you are considering marriage at an early age ask yourself these questions. Do I see myself with this person for the rest of my life? Can I give up/ live without partying and having wild, careless fun? If the answers are no, wait give yourself time to discover yourself before you take the plunge.

So you find yourself with child, now you have to get married right? Wrong! Far be it for me to discount someones religious beliefs, If you are getting married because your religious beliefs warrant it under the circumstances, then by no means go against your faith. However, if you have no religious/moral qualms about childbirth and marriage being hand in hand, read on. Just because you are pregnant DOES NOT MEAN you must marry the child's father. Yes it is the ideal situation that you have children with your husband, but life isn't always ideal. I know most of you are thinking, "But Lauren a child needs to be raised a mom and a dad in a stable home". I'm not disagreeing with you, once again a solid family life is ideal. However it is much more detrimental to a child's well being to be raised in a home with constant conflict and tension between parents. Remember your children learn by your example,what you show your partner in front of them, that is what your children will believe to be love in the future. If you find yourself pregnant and considering marriage simply because he is the father. Step back and take a look at the situation, assess the relationship. Will he make a good husband? Do you constantly bicker? First and foremost think of the needs and protection of your unborn child, not that he would ever hurt your child. I mean protecting from hurt (ie:Divorce, seeing parents argue) Some people simply aren't meant to be married to one another, think long and hard about whether this applies to you.

Marriage is tricky. It's not all blissful fun and games. It's hard work, but it's rewarding. There will be fights, you will cry, but if you're brave enough and your love strong enough, you will come out stronger and closer as a couple. Understanding is the key, how do you expect to live the rest of your life with someone who simply doesn't understand you. It's the foundation. Honesty and communication are also extremely vital. If your having doubts about your upcoming marriage then talk to your partner and try to hash out whatever the problem may be. As I said it's hard work , and I'm still working. Three years down....eternity to go.

Good Luck!

Lauren